I hate the whole idea of the “good feminist.” Feminism is supposed to be a political/social movement. It’s about society-wide change, not individual virtue.
And the pressure to be a “good feminist” so quickly becomes yet another pressure on women. You already have to be the perfect wife/girlfriend, the perfect mom, have the perfect body, now you gotta be the perfect feminist too. Just another item on the list.
If your feminism doesn’t have room for women who fuck up, women who break rules, women who make pragmatic compromises, women with complicated pasts, women who cause trouble, women who just plain disagree—then it needs to make some fuckin’ room. You don’t have to tell them they’re right about everything, but you can’t treat them like naughty children or dead-to-us traitors. Otherwise feminism ends up being just another standard women can’t ever live up to.